Tongabove |
"his missives, like his life, contained flashes of brilliance but no
discernible structure..." -A.C.Weisbecker |
Monday, March 28
"You voted for Kerry? What are you, gay?" - some fucking idiot from Baylor U.,to my cousin Jeff a rainy beginning to the week here in albany. the precipitation has not stopped since midnight yesterday, bringing it to an almost (15 minutes!) complete 24-hour phenomenon. increase the temperature to the mid-fifties and i'd be on the front porch as we speak, under a blanket and holding some tea. i've thought a lot recently about ambition. and now, at 11:46 on a monday night, i lack the motivation to even write about it. what does that say about my chemical balance? today's focus: alcoholism, tuna pot pie recipe, rugby tournament saturday, throwing pens at Morgan Thursday, March 24
"Men are grateful in the same proportion as they cherish revenge." -Alexander Pope, 1847 so much hooplah about censoring and contionalizing sex education in public schools these days. an abstinence-only program favored by our President is gaining momentum, popularity, and support nation-wide. this link will only work this week, but points you to a decent local article about the effect that Texas efforts may have on textbooks here in NY. I say "Fuck Texas" and "Fuck Abstinence-Only Education," but that's just me... (any faith-based initiative concerning an essentially parental role in child development bothers me) anyway, back to studying. today's focus: rugby practice in the snow?, TGIT tonight, conjunctivitis, crossword puzzles Monday, March 21
"These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days..." -Counting Crows there's been talk of quitting law school. not by me. but by my comrades. and it's made me wonder about the difference between 'actually changing your mind' and 'forgetting why you came'. to even show up on the first day here required a fuck-load of work and bureaucratic nonsense. it was a whore to even sit in a seat on the first day. but we all had our reasons. if we didn't, the sheer pain of the process would have made us change our minds long before August 19th. but we all made it here. and now there's talk of quitting. so... does that mean that minds have changed? does it mean that people have forgotten why they came? have they remembered why they came, but changed their perspective toward that reason, after some rational decision? have they themselves changed, so that their original reason no longer applies or even bears relevance? is it laziness, where the level of commitment deters them from continuing? it makes me wonder. it doesn't make me nervous. we all must find our own path. and yet, the person who dedicates himself/herself to getting into law school isn't necessarily the type of person to just leave when it feels right to do so. this ain't art school. this ain't some cultural mecca of expression and self-awareness. shit, a lot of people here don't even know why they are, but they're programmed to do school work, get good grades, and then maybe go out to a bar the day after their LAST final exam, as a reward. makes me shudder... today's focus: why the fuck is gas $2.21/gallon?, tomato juice = good, a bottle cap for Jake, borrowing a parking pass Sunday, March 20
"my head... has hit SO MANY THINGS tonight..." -me, friday Spring Break ends tonight and i'm wondering: what is there to look forward to? let us review: 1 > finals will be before, upon, and over us before we know it 2 > making (instead of spending) money 3 > tank tops and skirts 4 > SUNY Fountain Day 5 > Watkins and Blue Balls rugby tournaments 6 > not seeing the same fucking people every day 7 > Alive @ Five concerts today's focus: Nietzsche's Human, All Too Human, surprisingly good leftover pasta sauce, banquet this friday?, my FIMFIH Monday, March 14
"It has to start somewhere, it has to start sometime... what better place than here? what better time than now?" - Rage Against the Machine back at home. sipping a coke. watching the fireplace. lying on tummy. closing the eyes. imagining my bed. hating plane seats. finals are coming. cats walking by. six days left. books should disappear. love my cousins. dread studying now. need a vacation. will earn cash. regretting some sins. delighting in memories. going to sleep. today's focus: turning the plane around on my PHL to ALB flight, amazing mexican food at home, conversations in the hot tub, property II project tomorrow in Kingston Tuesday, March 8
"They don't understand me; my mouth is not for their ears." -Nietzsche today i discovered legal negotiation. then class was cancelled. so now i'm in morgan's living room (as always) with some vocal digestion going on. seriously: since this semester started my stomach has grumbled fucking constantly. literally every day. fast metabolism plus stress and a grad student diet = it always sounds like thunder in my damn belly. today's focus: hippie skirts, wishing i had video games, popcorn shrimp, knitting needles Monday, March 7
Jaime: "Luckily, law school isn't a popularity contest..." The Kankoos: "No, it's not. It's a perspective contest, and you're all losing it." i dig the above quote. it comes from that book i mentioned a week or two ago. basically, the guys i mentioned here just got back from some devastatingly unsober night at a casino, only to realize they missed 4 classes at Harvard Law (after sleeping in due to hangovers). and what the second dude says is true: it is ultimately about perspective. sitting here in a study carrol reading Calabresi's manifesto about property entitlements, i am wondering what it would be like to... today's focus: diet cherry vanilla dr. pepper, "fuck the newspaper", arena rugby until midnight yesterday (my poor goddam knees), more dreams about babies Saturday, March 5
"My heart will be fine... just stop wasting my time..." -BNL the thousand-dollar relevancy test: hypothetical "well, what if..." questions have always been a favorite of mine: (if you had three wishes, if you had a million dollars, if you could have sex with anyone in the world, etc.) and fine-tuning these questions for maximum intuition and personality-revealing results is a habit that accompanies the propensity for asking such questions. so... in reevaluating the classic "if you had a million dollars" question, i've decided that just a grand would do. think about it. you can't really splurge with a thousand bucks, so your decision on how to spend it is going to reveal your wishful priorities much easier. oh, you can't HAVE a ferrari? you can't BUY a mansion? well, you still have a handfull of cash, so what is going to be, now that you're fucking limited? me: another tattoo, speakers for my car, a plane ticket to Utah (and back). last night was another of those wonderfully uplifting reality-centering nights. it made me fucking glad to be here again. thank you, Celtic Law Society... today's focus: coffee milk, editing the paper again, poker tonight?, temporary shamrock tattoo Wednesday, March 2
"the world begins to disappear..." -adam duritz on the 411/information craze: it seems like they're trying to kill phonebooks. i have zero shame in admitting i get sentimental about technology expanding and destroying once familiar rituals. in fact, i'll even pay extra if phonebooks cease to be free because they're obsolete. but i absolutely will not dial 411 (and pay $1.49) to have some jack-off in Minnesota tap a few keys into a computer and recite to me the information i could find myself. flipping through pages is so much easier than talking to some southern minimum-wage caller-service person anyway. and the whole "can i connect you for an additional $.75?" bullshit? oh. i forgot. you see, it's definitely worth almost a buck to be saved the inconvenience of having to hang up and press a few numbers myself. christ, thank you. i'm so glad you offered. i keep dreaming about babies. it's not freaky in the paranoid commitment-phobic 20-something male way. it's freaky in the "why the fuck am i dreaming about babies?" way. a brief shout-out to my buddy Owein: "dude, sorry about decorating your locker at school with Winnie-the-Pooh birthday pictures. the sight of rabbit and tigger holding bouquets of flowers, celebrating your birthday in a splendor of yellow, pink, and green, was just too much to resist. you were a great sport about it and, despite the heartbreak it will cause me, i'll understand today when you rip down and throw out my carefully crayon-drawn masterpieces. happy 24th again, man." today's focus: not eating until 4 pm (starving!!!), errands tonight, editing the newspaper, 80's dancing tomorrow w/AA? |
